I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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