escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I pour the whiskey from now on
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
