I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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