If that was your dad, he is hot
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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