My underwear smells like fireworks.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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