Texts From Last Night

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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.

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  (203): she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously. http://tfl.nu/54qd
  Replies (29) Good night (731) Bad night (5987)
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  (925): View more from California

  Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.

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  (925): Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit. http://tfl.nu/rw2b
  Replies (41) Good night (3955) Bad night (4534)
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  (606): View more from Kentucky

  Do they take checks?

  (1-606): View more from Kentucky

  Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?

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  (606): Do they take checks? (1-606): Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL? http://tfl.nu/lvo7
  Replies (18) Good night (5159) Bad night (1822)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.

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  (817): When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar. http://tfl.nu/ucur
  Replies (15) Good night (5369) Bad night (1452)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?

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  (214): Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up? http://tfl.nu/f130
  Replies (9) Good night (3762) Bad night (806)
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?

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  (514): Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final? http://tfl.nu/e8i7
  Replies (28) Good night (2618) Bad night (795)
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  (347): View more from New York

  Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me

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  (347): Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me http://tfl.nu/axou
  Replies (9) Good night (939) Bad night (1825)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.

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  (248): Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation. http://tfl.nu/xu6p
  Replies (6) Good night (2138) Bad night (717)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.

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  (724): Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful. http://tfl.nu/ytjz
  Replies (2) Good night (1321) Bad night (641)
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  (914): View more from New York

  I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.

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  (914): I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now. http://tfl.nu/2zl0
  Replies (5) Good night (2246) Bad night (638)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later

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  (708): If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later http://tfl.nu/o4md
  Replies (2) Good night (487) Bad night (941)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.

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  (719): i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please. http://tfl.nu/3lio
  Replies (5) Good night (506) Bad night (885)
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  (308): View more from Nebraska

  In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.

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  (308): In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge. http://tfl.nu/2ycl
  Replies (22) Good night (1672) Bad night (805)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.

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  (908): This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing. http://tfl.nu/q3t5
  Replies (2) Good night (702) Bad night (328)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.

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  (860): There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane. http://tfl.nu/q1cx
  Replies (1) Good night (260) Bad night (627)

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