Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
