I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know