____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
