I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.