3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
