I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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