Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
