wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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