Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
