I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
