He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
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In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
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when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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