I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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