She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
