i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
