So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
