you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
