I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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