why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
