my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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