I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
