Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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