Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
