I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
kristin has been a bad kristin
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Do you remember whose house we're in?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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