with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
