If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
