It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
