Dude my mom stole all your condoms
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
ttyl tear gas
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
