I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
