just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
