I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Jerry, you need to find god
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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