the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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