Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
