I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
why do cheetos always look like penises
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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