Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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