I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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