i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
