I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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