it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
