That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
