I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
