What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
