I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
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