so that wasnt chicken after all
Duck Duck Cougar?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
