he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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