That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
