Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
The ass gains better be worth it
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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