I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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