I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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