you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
