3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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