At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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