so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
