Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
