My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
