I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
