I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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