we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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