he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize