And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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