I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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