I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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