Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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