Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
