Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
false alarm. still invincible.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
