btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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