That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
