Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
